16 Days of Action 2024: Stalking and Harassment

Stalking can happen to anyone regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation, race or background. 

Do you know someone whose ex won’t leave them alone? They could be being stalked.  

 Supporting a stalking victim can be hard, because well meaning, advice such as ‘blocking’ online or telephone contact could make the situation more dangerous as it may increase the likelihood of proximity (in person) stalking. 

When stalkers threaten or harass you online or via emails/text messages, troll or bully you online, message you constantly, post content about you online, or pretend to be you by creating false accounts, this is cyberstalking. These activities can understandably make you feel unsafe and worried, and often these behaviours will be accompanied by other forms of ‘traditional’ stalking (i.e. not online).

What should you do?  

Don’t engage with the stalker - Do not respond to their communications, never agree to meet in person and do not confront them about the stalking.

Document everything - either take a screenshot or print the pages and keep them secure. Try to capture the messages as well as any identifying features such as profile pages, user names or ‘handles’. Keep a note of any relevant offline activity such as in person sightings or encounters at your home, work or places of leisure. This could be useful evidence for any police investigation. It also ensures you have retained a record if the perpetrator deletes their posts, profile or other activity.

Take steps to improve your online security - it is possible that the stalker will try to gain access to your accounts such as social media or email. Having strong passwords and turning on two-factor authentication is key. Check your devices for any apps which you have not installed which could be spyware or malware.

Report it to the police - They will listen and take reports of stalking seriously. Report it early to them directly using 101. If you feel there is any immediate threat to your personal safety dial 999. You can also report via the Wiltshire Police website: www.wiltshire.police.uk/ro/report/ocr/af/how-to-report-a-crime   
 

For more advice around cyberstalking, visit Get Safe Online and The Cyber Helpline.

Have you noticed a family member, friend, team mate or colleague acting out of character recently?  

Do you feel like they are fearful, anxious or becoming isolated?  

Perhaps they beginning to avoid their normal activities, making excuses or changing their normal routines? Are they having self-doubt, have they lost confidence?  

These signs of an adverse effect which could be the impact of stalking.   

They might be experiencing:   

• Repeated messaging / emailing / voicemails  

• Rumours being spread to discredit them  

• Threats of violence against them, their family, friends, or pets  

• Property being damaged   

• Unwanted goods being delivered  

• New people have joined their workplace, places they socialise or exercise which they are not comfortable with  

• Cyber stalking activity on social media platforms, websites or online groups with instant messaging, unwanted comments or fake profiles purporting to be the victim.

Stalking can take place in the workplace. Some stalkers could be colleagues or clients, others are individuals who are unrelated to the workplace but who make contact with the victim at work because of ease of access or ability to cause them further distress.  

Stalking behaviour can include:  

• Frequenting victims’ workplace   

• Unwanted contact by phone, email or via other messaging platforms used in the workplace  

• Following or loitering in places they know the victim will be due to their role  

• Making false complaints to employers in order to damage reputation   

• Monitoring or spying by any means   

• Hacking to obtain information about the victim.  

Suzy Lamplugh Trust's Stalking in the Workplace Guide offers advice to help employees and employers manage the risk of stalking, plus advice on setting up a Workplace Stalking Policy. Download it here. 

Mary reached out for support to flee from an abusive partner. She had been the victim of coercive and controlling behaviour including financial, sexual and emotional abuse and disclosed that her partner had controlled every aspect of her life including her use of the internet, what she wore and when she was allowed to drive the car.

In the lead up to fleeing the home, he began to hide her clothing and personal effects and her mobile phone and the abuse was becoming unbearable. Her children had also suffered physical abuse.  With support from DA services and the Police, Mary was able to flee to safe accommodation, however the abuse did not stop – that’s when the stalking began.

Mary’s ex- partner was determined to find the family and began a tirade of abuse that included trying to locate them by waiting outside schools, turning up at medical appointments, contacting family and friends to ask them for information about Mary’s whereabouts and driving around the areas he suspected her to be in the hope that he could see her – nowhere felt safe.

After leaving, Mary discovered that her ex-partner had been parking outside her place of work to ‘check’ that she was there and had followed her to events such as nights out and parties, parking outside to check that she was there and to check who she was with. In her own words, Mary said: “(the abuse) has made me feel violated. I feel like I am on guard, waiting for him to show up at any moment.

It has left me feeling unsafe and on edge all of the time. I felt for a long time that he had not done anything wrong because he had not physically hurt me, but I realise he harmed me in other ways – emotionally, psychologically. I feel even though I have left, that he is relentless and will never stop. I worry that friends will distance themselves from me because they worry that he will harass them too and prevent them from wanting to associate with me and the children through fear of what he will do to them. Even though I left, he continues to try and find ways to control me, isolate me and harass me”.

Hannah, and her children, had been abused by two separate partners. She wasn’t feeling safe in her own home, was in crippling debt due to financial abuse and was worried about the impact the abuse had had on her children. After ending the most recent relationship, Hannah was repeatedly followed by her ex-partner in his van and mysterious gifts appeared on her doorstep – she felt frightened! Hannah saw a friend of his several times driving up her street - she was sure that he was spying for her ex-partner but had no proof.

Her ex-partner would turn up repeatedly at the local shops when she was buying groceries and Hannah lived in fear that her abuser would be around every corner. From things he had said during the relationship, Hannah felt certain that once she left, he would stalk her and that he would not accept her decision to move on.

Hannah told us “I knew he was going to do something. It's really not a nice situation to be in. You're always on guard. I don’t feel like I can go anywhere and now I am hyper-vigilant whenever I go out. I constantly worry what he will do next and I am worried about when he may physically attempt to do something”.

Hannah has reported the stalking to his employers and the police and is considering moving away from her home town, family and friends just to keep herself and her children safe.

I was suffering with post-natal depression when I met my ex-partner. I think he realised I was at a weak point.

The violence happened straight away. Once the violence started, it never stopped. He was always hurting me. He would spit on me, smash things on me and punch me, telling me “you deserve to be dead and no one will miss you”

Simple things would trigger him. He would attack me if he couldn’t hear the tv or if I asked him to get his dinner. He’d punch me over and over.  I would wrap a pillow around my head so my children wouldn’t hear me when he was hitting me.

The day I left was the day he threatened to kill my grandchild. This was when he started stalking me.

It began by leaving me presents outside my house.  I was too frightened to tell anyone. Then the letters started. He would beg forgiveness and write “you know you want to be with me”. When I didn’t go back the threats started. He would message me saying “I am outside” and that he would burn the house down with me inside. He told me if he couldn’t have me then no one else could and he wasn’t bothered about going to prison

I reported him to the police, and I was put in touch with FearFree. My support worker made me feel that I wasn’t alone and that I deserve support and have the right to live safely. She has stayed with me with every step of the way from police appointments to court dates.  I feel like without her help, I wouldn’t be here now; she made me believe I can do this.

I recently completed a University course on domestic abuse. His words kept coming back to haunt me; telling me I was too stupid to do a University course and that I would never complete it.

I found it very hard but I kept on. I am very pleased and proud of myself that I passed. It is the first thing I have done just for myself. I have a dream in the future of helping other women in the same situation as I have been in. This is a step towards that.